We ordered Nathan’s velociraptor costume two weeks ago, and, well, puppies can do a lot of growing in two weeks.
Dog Hates Wearing Halloween Costume (by ModPrimate)
You know how new parents insist that their kids are the cutest? Well that’s exactly how I am with my new puppy. Although, he is also objectively cuter than all other dogs. Period.
An excerpt of the conversation with my imaginary cat Geoffrey that inspired the creation of Cats Looking Out the Window at the Rain dot Tumblr dot com
I began setting up @GeoffreyKitty a few weeks back but for some reason they suspended the account before I even got a single tweet out. The only reason I can think of is that we violated their Terms of Service because you don’t technically qualify as a real person.
- Are you kidding me? What about Jason Scott’s cat @Sockington?
- What about @KeyBoardCat?
Funny you should mention that. That’s actually a squatter that hasn’t even Tweeted in three years. The official Keyboard Cat is stuck with @TheKeyboardCat.
- Huh. Anyway, @GeoffreyKitty is a stupid, infantile-sounding name.
Geoffrey, you’re three years old.
- Why not @GeoffreyTheCat, though? Three is adult by cat standards.
@GeoffreyTheCat is taken by a cat who’s only ever Tweeted twice, and probably died two years ago.
- I still don’t understand why those other cats are allowed to have Twitter profiles and I’m not.
I don’t know why either. I filed a report but Twitter hasn’t gotten back to me about it.
- I just feel like I’m being treated like a second class citizen because I’m a cat.
Technically, you’re not even a cat. You’re an imaginary cat.
- Thanks for reminding me as though I didn’t have a full-on existential meltdown after coming to that realization.
Hey, don’t feel so bad. Someone’s been squatting on @chrismenning without ever having Tweeted once for at least four years, and Twitter won’t do anything about getting that to me either.
- Maybe you ought to just set up a Facebook profile for me. I’d be cool with posting status updates instead of Tweets.
I could do that, but it would most likely get shut down as well. Facebook is looking to start shutting down all of their profiles that don’t represent real people.
- You know, I don’t think the real issue here is that I’m a cat, or even that I’m an imaginary cat. It’s that I’m not a famous cat.
Hey, that’s the way of the world, Geoffrey.
- *sigh* What are we doing, boss?
Right this moment? Listening to “Days Gone By” by Eastern Sun and John Kelley and thinking about the last four years.
I found an interesting Tumblr the other day called Advice For a Generation of Men. The blog is full of earnest advice on how to be a real man’s man. You know, the kind of stuff today’s panty-waisted betas need to be told because it doesn’t come naturally to them like it does to us.
For the most part, the blog is spot-on, but some of his advice just seems a little too subtle. So I’ve gone through some of his posts and added my own clarifications in bold red text to better illuminate AFAGOM’s subtext.
In my short stint as weekend editor I’ve been wondering what the hell kind of men’s site this is supposed to be. The few times sports have ever been mentioned don’t really have anything to do with sports, and instead we get stuff about Pokemon, Minecraft, and Downton Abbey FFS! All along I’ve been thinking, “WHERE ARE THE TITS?!” So, since this may very well be my last weekend at the Modern Primate helm, I’ve decided to post my entire collection of all the world’s most exotic tits. Big tits. Little tits. Round tits. Perky tits. White tits. Black tits. Somali tits. The list goes on and on! Enjoy!
For Cole, via Rach
This reads almost exactly like the emails I get from my aunt.
This small clip from Seinfeld does an incredible job of explaining why Facebook, and frankly all social media, is such an irresistible life-resource hog. (via Jerry Seinfeld Explains Facebook’s Success in 1992!)