An excerpt of the conversation with my imaginary cat Geoffrey that inspired the creation of Cats Looking Out the Window at the Rain dot Tumblr dot com

I began setting up @GeoffreyKitty a few weeks back but for some reason they suspended the account before I even got a single tweet out. The only reason I can think of is that we violated their Terms of Service because you don’t technically qualify as a real person.

- Are you kidding me? What about Jason Scott’s cat @Sockington?

I know.

- What about @KeyBoardCat?

Funny you should mention that. That’s actually a squatter that hasn’t even Tweeted in three years. The official Keyboard Cat is stuck with @TheKeyboardCat.

- Huh. Anyway, @GeoffreyKitty is a stupid, infantile-sounding name.

Geoffrey, you’re three years old.

- Why not @GeoffreyTheCat, though? Three is adult by cat standards.

@GeoffreyTheCat is taken by a cat who’s only ever Tweeted twice, and probably died two years ago.

- I still don’t understand why those other cats are allowed to have Twitter profiles and I’m not.

I don’t know why either. I filed a report but Twitter hasn’t gotten back to me about it.

- I just feel like I’m being treated like a second class citizen because I’m a cat.

Technically, you’re not even a cat. You’re an imaginary cat.

- Thanks for reminding me as though I didn’t have a full-on existential meltdown after coming to that realization.

Hey, don’t feel so bad. Someone’s been squatting on @chrismenning without ever having Tweeted once for at least four years, and Twitter won’t do anything about getting that to me either.

- Maybe you ought to just set up a Facebook profile for me. I’d be cool with posting status updates instead of Tweets.

I could do that, but it would most likely get shut down as well. Facebook is looking to start shutting down all of their profiles that don’t represent real people.

- You know, I don’t think the real issue here is that I’m a cat, or even that I’m an imaginary cat. It’s that I’m not a famous cat.

Hey, that’s the way of the world, Geoffrey.

- *sigh* What are we doing, boss?

Right this moment? Listening to “Days Gone By” by Eastern Sun and John Kelley and thinking about the last four years.

Read the full conversation on Modern Primate.