modernprimate:

Skippy is a Mormon virgin who lives in his mom’s basement and is the Next Big Thing, on the internet.

“My Body is a Temple,” one of his shirts—he makes and collects shirts related to virginity—reads. “Would You Like a Temple Recommended Interview?”

Other shirts: “Virginity Rocks” ; “Nice Guy: Finishing Last Since 1977”; “Fun, Single and Ready to Mingle”; “30+ Single Mormons: Proof Dinosaurs Exist”; “I Made out With Skippy for 3 Minutes, and All I Got was this Lousy T-Shirt.”

The last shirt he offers to the girls he’s trying to kiss.

Skippy also collects belly button lint, which he stores in a mason jar in his room. “I’m not gonna make a sweater out of it,” he says indignantly. “I just have a big ball of belly button lint.”

To keep in shape, and also to blow off steam, Skippy uses a shake weight while standing on a vibrating exercise machine.

When he goes out line dancing, he brings his mom, who wears a shirt that says “Wing-Mom,” and passes out stickers to the girls her meets. The stickers say “Skippy loves me,” “I love Skippy” and “Skippy is my friend.” When he gets too sweaty, he goes out into the lobby and dries himself with a hair dryer.

“I need a rut in my life,” he says.

“I’m 34 years old, I’m a virgin, and I’m awesome,” he says.

“I aspire to be a great big spoon,” he says.

He invites a girl over, and his mom makes them pizza. They eat the pizza downstairs in Skippy’s room. “Do you have your future kids’ names picked out?” he asks.

Wing-mom in the hallway, is listening.

 (via TLC Virgin Diaries: The Celebration Continues | Modern Primate | man, that’s deep)

This show is nothing short of awesome.