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Geoffrey, can you come in here for a moment?

- Sure thing, sir, just let me finish licking my ass.

By all means.

- You rang?

Geoffrey, what do you make of this Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes business?

- Closeted gay midget Scientologist divorces your #1 crush from the late 90s.

sigh I’m pretty sure I’ve read that somewhere else before. Not to mention that it’s offensive in at least three different ways.

- Admit it, though. You’d click on it.

I would. I’d click on it elsewhere but I don’t think I’d be comfortable running a headline like that here. It’s like your idea for “book mashups that no one should write ever.” It was shocking but definitely went too far.

- I’m telling you, “Fifty Shades of the Color Purple” would go places.

Dude! Not cool! I think that might be the most offensive joke anyone has made in history.

- Then why are you smiling?

… You’re an asshole, you know that?

- You are what you eat.

Har har.

Now how about this Higgs Boson discovery?
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