“Apparently, the Twin Cities area is among the least-stressful metropolises in the United States, according to a new survey…” —
This isn’t quite food for thought. More like an everlasting gobstopper for thought.
“I think they could take Sesame seeds off the market and I wouldn’t even care. I can’t imagine five years from now saying, “Damn, remember Sesame seeds? What happened? All the buns are blank!” They’re gonna have to change that McDonald’s song: “Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a… bun.” How’s a Sesame seed stick to a bun? That’s fuckin’ magical! There’s got to be some Sesame seed glue out there! Either that, or they’re adhesive on one side. “Take the Sesame seed out, remove the backing, place it on the bun. Now your bun will look spectacular.” What does a Sesame seed grow into? I don’t know; we never gave them a chance! What the fuck is a Sesame? It’s a street! It’s a way…to open shit!” —Some Mitch Hedberg for your Saturday afternoon.
“Tuesday, every single resident of New York City decided to evacuate the famed metropolis, having realized it was nothing more than a massive, trash-ridden hellhole that slowly sucks the life out of every one of its inhabitants” —8.4 Million New Yorkers Suddenly Realize New York City A Horrible Place To Live | The Onion - America’s Finest News Source